W.E.L.C.O.M.E.

Thursday

Poems...(1)

Thank goodness! I recovered all of my past works. You see, I am making poems before--- usually if I'm in the mood.

I'm glad that I still got the links to my old blogs, and I can now transfer some entries there in here.

Thanks to fin. Thanks to her because after all, she hasn't deleted my blog links in her blog yet, despite me not going there for a long time anymore. And I can now get what I needed through her blog.

LOVE

By: runerrands

I tried so hard to be loved,
But no one seems to love me.
I tried so hard to be the best,
But my best wasn't good enough.

Do you love me from what you see?
Or do you love me because it's me?

I'm here in this world,
Don't know what I'm searching.
Maybe, I just want to be love?
Or just want to love you.
Can you help my way through?

Do you know me when you look at me?
Or you're just pretending to be.

I'm very mysterious and hard to understand
But I'm not what you think I am.
If you could know me well,
Then you'll know, I'm just like anybody else.

I hate to pretend but I'm a pretender.
I used to be like this,
Wanting someone to love me in peace.

You think I'm a snob and don't know how to love?
Pls. forgive me, that's all I can say.
It's just the fact that I don't know where to start,
What's the best thing to do,
How to show it to all of you.

Pls. try to understand…
I am a young man but a child at heart,
Know nothing about myself,
Know nothing 'bout others,
Still learning to fit in to be the best that I can be.


REASON

By: runerrands

When you left I cried.
When you called I smiled.
When you're down I'm blue.
You know why?…
It's because I love you.

You're the reason I live.
You're the answer to my prayers.
You're the breath that I take,
Each and everyday.
Is this enough for you to stay?

My life is a mess without you,
Can't you see it?
This existence is because of you.
Emptiness is all I see
Because my heart has a vacancy,
Can you fill this fantasy?

When will you come back?
I'm here waiting.
Even if it takes so far,
As long as you’ll return,
I promise I'll be anticipative.


I AM WITH A PURPOSE TO LIVE

By: runerrands

I am created with a purpose.
God made me to live.

I am but a lame creation,
A lifeless soul, with a dumb mind.
Showering with good merits through her entity,
With soft touches to feel her worth.

Error to her errands is essential.
Learning from it is just.
But a journey without a comrade is a desert.
Marching to an endless waltz.

There is no such thing as surrender,
For the war is not yet over.
Think of defeat and you will be defeated.
Think of triumph and you will succeed.

Bring with you, red flag instead of white,
Show them you will never retreat.
Courage is victory.
Life is survival.

Think of it.
For God made us with a purpose to live.


UNTITLED

By: runerrands

Believing you're here is a misery.
Hoping you'll see the pain in me.
But what's the point of all of this,
If you're not here with me.

Emptiness overflows,
Shadowing the light to my survival.
Stay here,
Stay with me tonight,
I need you, I need you
Don't go.

As I wake up,
The warmth of sunshine on my face.
Still wearing these fake me.
Hiding all the tears,
Forget me not.

Remember me for a lifetime,
Don't leave the rest behind.
I'm not forgetting you, my love.
So I'm waiting still.

Stay with me forever.
I need you, I need you,
Don't go.


A BLESSED MORNING

By: runerrands

A morning of good cheer,
Walking like you don't even care.
Looking at a distance near my spot,
I saw a raging sun that's you.
It feels warm inside
My cheeks turned red.
Heart pumping non-stop.
Mind thinking you saw me…
Daydreaming me.
I proceed on my way as I am getting late,
And you are too.
Walking with eyes on my side to see if you're just near,
I saw the entrance and I know this will be the end.
I didn't prayed that time would stop,
But I'm wishing tomorrow and everyday will be the same.
You walk in first the gate but you didn't gave a damn to look back.
Ouch! My heart aches.
Saddened me to death.
I walk up the stairs not anymore thinking of you.
Gosh! What a lucky day today.
"You're still not in your room, stud?" I whisper.
But I walk over you for I don't want this heart to be revealed.
As I pass by you…
You have no idea what it meant for this ordinary gal very happy to see you.


Untitled

By: runerrands

You're the one I idolize
The one that I adore
You hurt me
You're putting me down now.

The light that helped me to see
The darkness that lead me to plea.
You're the most painful thing
God, forgive me.

I'm calling you now
Listen to me
I know to you I'm just shit
Like a trash of paper sheet.

My story has just begun
The line is still undone
I don't need your help
I'm fine by myself

But if one day you heard me call
That's the time, I'm about to fall.


I Hate You, Eve

By: runerrands

If it's not because of you I wouldn't be here
Your sins are my sins too
Everything is nostalgic
Maybe I won't ever understand you.

Sometimes I ask myself
Why of all creatures you're the one I most love and hate
We both came from the same fruit
You and me are alike.

I hate you because to me your an enemy
Your words are like knives that's killing me
I hate you because I love you more than myself
Why cant' you see it?

Maybe we came from different time
Both worlds won't be alike
The past will never be the present and the future
But I want to make it happen
If only I could.

I wanna make it stop.
I never want to hate you or cause your pain again
I want to bare your sorrow but you won't bear with me,
Is it the prize to be?

I know you're crying
I know it because I'm crying too
I understand you at all
But why can't you understand me?
posted by rian at 5/31/2007 10:30:00 PM 0 comments

Poems...(2)

FORSAKEN

By: runerrands

Feels like dying
I’m crying
I’m fine
I’ll be better.

Cursing my life
Pulling me to the end
I’m giving up.
Push me to the limit
I’m ready.

Stop the killing
My heart will stop beating
Cuddle me to my grave
I’m so forsaken.

Pray for me
You’re my only hope
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Laugh about it.

I’ll be leaving
Treasured memories will stay
Keep it forever
Look up!
I’m just around the corner.


Heaven and Earth

By: runerrands

When I came to know you
I wasn’t expecting from it.
Knowing you is enough,
But how come you won’t let go?

Go!
Don’t hesitate.
Run while you can
Away from me
Away from my eyes to see

The wind turned so cold
It starts raining.
It keeps on pouring
Laughter turned into a frown.

A mass of sand in a glass
The sky above
Two world apart
Colored black and white.

Say we’ll never part
But parting is a chance
Listen to me!
I’m giving you a chance.

Don’t look back
It’s all a mess.
I know it’s not easy
It’s painful

I feel you
I can feel the rain from heaven
But I believe
Soon it will end.

Let it all out
Be glad.
I’m the cause of your grief
I’m losing grip.

Hold on
The sun is rising
Calm your heart now
Be glad the storm is over.


Optimist

By: runerrands

Joy and happiness are one
Just like the moon and the stars
Two but one
One will never be two or three or four
Creatures big or small
Through thick or thin
Forever will be.

Forward but not backward
Push and don’t pull
Reach out.

Have no fear
Courage is the rear.
Close door?
But the window will open.
Braise yourself.
The sea breeze is worth watching
Tidal is not coming.
Be brave yet prepared
See the sun rise
See the wonders of your life.


LIKE BURNING FLAMES

By: runerrands

Let my footsteps mark the land I've chosen.
Let my arrival be my souvenir.
Welcome me with burning flames,
Passion is a gift from heaven.

Let me dedicate my aspirations to my homeland,
She is my burning flame.
An emblem in my heart that marks her dignity,
More thicker than blood to thee.

Fire is the symbol of passion.
It is my true color.
Its power is undying
Leaving ashes to those who conquer.

Let me leave you with this legacy
That my flames will always remain.
My light outshines darkness,
For I will dance like burning flames.


A Heart of Stone

By: runerrands

You saw me and I debut.
A chance to know you is a splendor,
A moment I can't contain.

I love you..
But it was all a lie.
I was blinded by loyalty.
Everything I'll say is the truth.

I play the game
I thought you'd be the one
I didn't make a move
I took the chance

It was crazy,
I was dumb.
You have a heart of stone,
Please open up!

Don't carry your burden by yourself,
I'm here.
Everything you're saying is safe
I know its not you.

I need the real you
Hey! the cold one
Is that you?
It's confusing.

I know I made my mistakes
I guess I was wrong.
Everything is not what I yearn for,
I can't feel the love you have for me.
I was disappointed.
I guess this is good-bye.

We'll part without any memories together,
The only link we have is rare.
But it’s okay,
I don't mind.
I'm glad you’re leaving.


I'M CALLING YOU

By: runerrands

In this lonely road
I ask myself
Why am I alone?
Can't you be here?
I'm calling you.

Come to me and stay
Remember the good old days?
We sit and talk
Like me don't care

Life is so crazy
With you—
Simple things becomes so special,
An ordinary day becomes an event.

Good times will always be the same,
If I only knew you wouldn't be the same
I shouldn't let you fly away.
Now I sit alone
Calling your name.

I need you beside me like the good old days,
I wish it would always be that way,
But how can I make you stay if you don't wanna make it okay
You're not you
Time has change.

Better Days

By: runerrands

A moon w/o stars is a galaxy w/o the universe
Like the love I have for you when I'm empty-handed.
Flowers in spring but my heart's at fall,
It's a gloomy-weather day today, isn't it?
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

God bless me when I fathom your words,
Believe me when I utter a word.
Blue sky has come out,
Birds singing songs of melody,
As today is a better day.

Come with me in an open air,
Breathe in, breathe out
Savor the scenery life has to offer.
The moon will no longer be alone as the galaxy has found its home.
A heart at fall has changed,
As I welcome a better day.


Nobody Knows

By: runerrands

I live my life day to day
Living this life in a normal way,
Everything is usual— I may say
Till you came bumping my way.

From here I can sense your scent,
I think I felt your heartbeat just then,
But you don't know it,
Coz nobody knows.

The closer I get,
The harder I fall,
Still, nobody knows.
Whenever we collide I can feel the heat,
I can fell love whenever you are near.

In whatever you do I'm always there,
Cheering you up whenever you're scared,
Laughing with you whenever you want to,
And when you're asleep— this hand lingers to touch your face,
And you don't notice
Coz nobody knows.

When will you be able to know it?
I'm too weak to tell.
I've been keeping this for long,
And I'll be keeping it till you get the thought.

Reflection

By: runerrands

I'm living trying to be somebody,
Always pretending to be someone else,
I look at the mirror to see,
I look closer but I can't find me.
My reflection was gone,
A ghost very transparent to everyone.

I'm lost,
Where did my reflection go?
God, give me back my self
I can't live without it.

I have no identity,
Always a copy of somebody,
I saw myself in the water
It's fading out.
A frown won’t give me an answer— so I cried,
Where did it go?
I need it back.

When will I deserve it?
Only God knows.
Now I'm praying— bended knee,
Begging myself to hold on,
Keep my faith I say,
I'll be having it back soon.

The Light

By: runerrands

In my dream I saw a raging light,
A light that I cannot fight.
I want to see the beam so I can figure it out,
But I failed to see it that night.

I woke up, wondered,
I became so curious that I pray it would happen,
I want to see it again,
What is that light?

The night came and I dream again,
With gladness in my eyes I saw my anticipation,
This time, the light has its offering hands,
Hands welcoming me to another life.

I reach for it but I can't hold it,
A light with a hand but no face?
A question that won't erase.
I felt strange yet safe near the light,
And as time goes by with a surprise in my eyes, I was in the arms of Christ

What Love Is?

By: runerrands

At first I thought love is a horrible thing,
It will only cause me trouble and pain,
Gain nothing but regrets.
Until something happened,
Something I will never forget.
It's a reality that I only wished to be a dream,
For in dreams I can make you mine,
No worries about the things that surrounds me,
But what I never knew is-- it is beginning to come true.
The first tears are for the joy your love brought to me,
The day you became mine.
Second are for the times you cried,
Moments I cried with you.
The tears during our fights is on the third,
And the fourth will be the last.
But it wasn't only the tears,
For love has no boundary.
There is also the delight of a never-ending enchantment to the world of the unknown,
A paradise as you may call it,
A place full of surprises,
The warmest of embraces and the sweetest kiss of kisses,
Passionately unfolds the victory of love that has conquered.
Memories will not be forgotten— it is unforgettable.
Truly, love is a many splendored thing,
A feeling that is undeniable,
We nailed and we learn from it.
Through it we see our true self,
It's not just an experience but a learning experience for all,
So why should I be afraid of?
It's not wrong to fall in love,
But it's a sin it you mustn’t.
posted by rian at 5/31/2007 11:01:00 AM 0 comments

Monday

On track




Falling Away

Miguel Escueta

Here we go, it’s crashing down around
Through the speed as we try to define
Doubts re-surface, waves you can’t withstand
We find ourselves here once again
And we’re…

We’re falling away from this

Wasn’t it enough to let you feel the sun?
Am I not worth every fall?
We’ve gone too deep to just let this fly
So please hold on and let me save us
Please hold on and let me save us

How long must I weather this storm?
I’m drowning into your condescending eyes
Please bend for me, even just a bit
Can’t you see that I am already broken?
And you’re…

You’re falling away from me

Oh… can’t you feel it?
We are falling into the abyss
That we just can’t comprehend
Oh… don’t you know that
Some wounds just never heal

We’re falling away from this

credit: imeem

posted by rian at 5/28/2007 08:38:00 PM 0 comments

My Summer Classes are Over....

Yahoo! sa wakas tapos na din ang summer classes ko! Talagang bakasyon ko na. Este sila lang pala. Di kasi me pumasok kaninang umaga para mag-take ng exam sa research eh. Pano hindi pa kasi kami tapos gawin ang t. paper namin. Tsaka hindi ko pa din tapos gawin yung mga requirements ko kay sir. Ni hindi na nga ako natutulog eh. At hanggang ngaun hindi pa din ako natutulog. Musta naman! eh dapat pa ako mamaya gumising na naman ng maagang maaga para mag-review. We'll try to go to school kasi in the morning para i-take yung exam na yun eh. Hay... buti pa sila bakasyon na. Ako hindi pa. Di bale after ko naman ng ma-take yun eh talagang bakasyon na rin ako.

Grabe talaga kaninang umaga, sobrang busy ako. Ni hindi na nga ako makausap ng matino ng mga tao dito sa bahay eh. Tsaka pagkinakausap nila ako eh nagsusungit naman ako. Hay what can I say.. ganun talaga ako eh. Pag may ginagawa talaga ako at tipong rush na rush na, dapat mabuting gawin ay wag nalang akong kausapin. Para kasing nagugulo ang utak ko at nalilimutan ko na ang mga gusto kong sabihin pagnababaling ang atensyon ko sa iba.

Sa totoo lang pinaka-natagalan ako sa paggawa ko kasi nung reflection paper eh. Ewan ko ba! tipong magk-kwento lang naman ako o kaya naman gagawa lang ng letter pero dun pa ako pinakanahirapan. Nahirapan kasi ako dahil I really want to open-up kay sir, tell him things I wanted to say, kaso mukhang dapat ata ang medium na gagamitin ay english. Kaya yun in-english ko na. Hay mas gusto ko kasi tag-lish pag gumagawa ng reflection eh. Mas nakakapag-express ako ng mabuti at tuloy tuloy lang ako sa pagsusulat, siguro dahil na rin sa factor na sariling wika ang ginagamit. Ito nga ang gawa ko oh:

DALANGIN, Rica Ann N. Sir Allan “Abstract” Layug
BSIR- Diplomacy 05-28-2007

Honestly, I don’t know where to begin this, because there are a lot of things I wanted to tell you. It’s just kind of hard to write it here because I have to speak in english. But if only given the chance that I could be like most of my classmates who’s eager to speak up, then you’ll know my piece. Nevertheless, I’ll try to put it all here now. Just so you know.

Well, I remember the first day of my summer class. I was a bit scared then the moment Ma’am Nalangan came in to our room. You know why? coz she seemed to be scary to me. I was her student before on the same subject that is why I know. I know she’s a good professor, but the fact that I’m not comfortable with her around makes me feel uneasy going to her class twice a week. Maybe, I’m just not used to her kind of approach and I think I won’t learn at all with that kind of treatment. That is also the reason why I enrolled comparative gov’t of Asia… this summer since most of my classmates were saying that she might not teach it, because there is someone who will be handling it. So obviously, the main reason I enrolled the subject this summer than on a regular semester is because I want to run from her. Yeah… I think so (?)

Anyway, on that day, she told us that she’s not sure if she’ll be teaching the subject. I was relieved --- really. Because I am also thinking that if she’ll be the one teaching, then I might failed again the subject, and I’m afraid that I might stay longer in the university. But then, the next day you came in to our room. You know what’s the reaction of my classmates that knew you? They were all mixed emotion. Some say you’re cool because you are funny; and some say you’re tough because of your paperworks and readings. Well, we really got to taste that. And everything they said about you was true.

Cool and tough as you are, you have proven to us that you are who you are. It gave much more sense when you are most of the time emphasizing that all you want from us is to learn. You act cool for you to reach out on us; tough so that we could focus on our studies. Isn’t it great? I like it because you combined both which makes you a lot more interesting than other professors and instructors I’ve met.

Sir, believe me when I say, “I’ve learned a lot from you”, not only regarding our subject matter, but also logic, philosophy, liberty and reality. You know what’s nice? Through the fallacies and critical thinking, it made me learn to think deeper and see both sides of everything not only about politics, states, governments etc. but also in my real world. Because of that, I learned to adopt that in my everyday life in giving judgement and approval to myself. I also learned to speak-up, though not when it comes to reciting but when it comes to reasoning out for what I believe in. I learned it from you. Coz you speak what’s on you mind (even though I think you are only most of the time speaking intellectual things than emotional matters). You always have a reason to everything--- even in small things, thus you were able to defend yourself, which I cannot before I learned how. And lastly, through your sort of “words of wisdom” I discovered the real world. Like I learned how to see things in a wider perspective than just by looking inside the box. You see, it’s so nice that you have given so much of what you have and what you can offer. But I always wonder why they couldn’t see it? Although you don’t have to prove yourself to anybody, still they never gave you another try. If only they could think first before they act, then they will know that you are more than that.

I’m happy to be part of your class, Sir. Despite me not being able to participate in our discussion and just sitting down in your class everyday, it is not just because I’m shy to participate or to recite but more importantly, that is because I only want to listen to you, because you always seemed to have the right words when you speak. I could even listen to you all day long, but that is, if you still joke around… because in that way we/I could re-energize our/my mind because of exhaustion because you are so genius to comprehend. (=.=);;

But then, I’m sorry for not keeping my promise to recite and not paying my debt to you. Honestly, I’m the type of student that is not aiming to get a (1.0) grade. Sure, it will bring joy to my parents. But they are happy enough that at least I did well in school, and that I don’t have failing grades (especially now that I’m graduating). Besides, it feels like I don’t deserve getting (1.+) grades at all. That is why I don’t know if it is justifiable for me earning a (1.0) midterm exam and (1.75) midterm grade from you. Or maybe you are just being too kind? But right now I could even answer it for you--- that you are so kind to us. No wonder because you always lets us win.

I would like to say thank you for all you martyrdom for us. Joke. I only said that because you spoiled us too much. You gave everything for us without gaining anything in return. Thank you also for your dedication and passion in teaching. Please, Do not stop teaching because it’s not good to imagine losing a great teacher like you. Please continue doing what you like best, especially now that you are already there. Continue inspiring others like you have inspired mine, because having you as a teacher motivated me well (in all aspects). Hopefully, your future students will feel the same way too.

On behalf of our college, I want to say sorry for all the troubles they had caused you. Maybe, you just became misunderstood because you don’t open-up. You still seemed so mysterious after all. Nevertheless, that is what you have chosen and that must be respected. It’s just sad that they failed to fathom with you. Please forgive them.

---------------------------------

Hay.. ang drama ba? Pasencia na kasi last naman na toh eh.
Basta ingat nalang po kayo palage.
Tsaka sencia na kung naguluhan kayo sa gawa ko… ang labo ko talagang kausap eh.hehe.
Sige. B-bye po. v^_^v

Medyo mahaba din naman sya. Mga 2 pages din yan. Nahirapan siguro ako gawin yan dahil nakakalungkot lang, kasi parang farewell message or letter ko na rin yan sa kanya eh. Aalis na kasi sya for good sa school. Kakainis kasi yung classmate kong yun! Sya ang pasimuno ng lahat! Kaya yun aalis na siya.

Multi-tasking ako kanina ah. Kakaloka yun! Ano na nga ba ginawa ko after kong gumawa ng reflection? Ah! yung pagc-compile naman ng mga questions kay sir ang inatupag ko. Tapos mejo sinisingit din yung mga pinapagawa s'kin ni Pia about sa t. paper namin. Pero sa totoo lang, wala din ako sa kanyang naitulong in the end. Ewan ko nga kung ok lang yun sa kanya eh. Pero mukhang ok lang naman talaga sa kanya. Kaso nakukunsensya pa din ako dun. Pero, wala din naman akong nagawa kasi nga may iba pa akong ginagawa.

Mas naging tighter pa ang tasks ko nung mga 9 am onwards na. I need to finish everything na kasi, and then fixed myself pa for school. Tapos hindi pa ako nakakapagbasa ng mga readings ko. Sobrang panic mode na naman ako kasi ich-check yun ni sir. Eh pano pagtinawag na nya ako tapos wala akong maipakita? eh di patay na! Mga ganun na naiisip ko kasi iniisip ko din na baka yung mga classmates ko tapos na magbasa o kaya naman mas marami na silang lahat nabasa kesa s'kin eh nakakahiya naman yun.

Umiyak pa nga ako kanina eh. Ewan ko ba. Basta nalang tumulo luha ko. Napapagod na din kasi ako eh. Gusto ko ng sumuko. Kaso ano nalang mangyayari sa grades ko pag hindi ako nakapagpasa di ba? kaya wala nalang akong nagawa kundi umiyak kanina. Buti nalang andun si Pia who made me relaxed a bit. Well, it helps ah. Thanks dude!hehe...

12 noon na nun. Malapit ng matapos t. paper namin. Kaya naman kahit na busy ako sa ginagawa ko kanina eh tinulungan ko na din sya. Naku naman noh! ang kapal ko na nun kapag hindi ko pa siya tinulungan noh! Kaya yun. eh musta naman yun! 1 pm ang exam ko sa comp gov't at hindi pa ako umaalis ng bahay. Ni hindi pa nga ako nakakapagsuklay eh. Grabe talaga! mas inuna ko pa ang mga requirements ko bago ang sarili ko. Naman!

I decided na magpapa-late nalang ako sa exam ko dun. Tutal naman kasi sabi ang exam namin sa kanya eh 1-6 pm daw. Haba noh? Critical thinking kasi. Magt-two na rin me nakaalis ng bahay. Patay na kasi ako dahil super late na talaga ako nun eh. Tsaka baka mamaya mahirapan pa akong mahabol na mga classmates ko sa pagsasagot ng exam namin. Ah! tsaka din kasi baka makulangan na ako sa oras at hindi ko na yun matapos.
posted by rian at 5/28/2007 08:04:00 PM 0 comments

Sunday

Recent me!

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

FOR NO REASON AT ALL.
posted by rian at 5/27/2007 02:11:00 AM 0 comments

On track


Wonder Wall

Oasis

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart run out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead the way are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
but I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

credits: imeem + azlyrics


posted by rian at 5/27/2007 12:38:00 AM 0 comments

Saturday

Coffee break (1)

Hay.. ilang araw na din akong bangag. Kahit sa school bangag pa din ako. Feeling ko nga napa-praning na ko eh. Parang lately kasi hindi nalang ma-relax relax ang aura ng mukha ko. Pano naman kasi ang daming iniisip. Hindi ko na malaman kung ano uunahin na gagawin sa dami ng mga requirements. Ang malala pa eh antukin ako, kaya naman may times na hindi ko na nagagawa ang mga yun kasi inaantok na nga ako. At syempre pag inaantok ka di ba ang tendency nun eh hindi ka na makapagisip ng matino? Yeah, ganun na nga ako.

Nung isang araw para lang hindi ako antukin at buong magdamag gising eh uminom na ako ng kape. Actually, hindi talaga ako umiinom ng kape. Pero reliable medicine ko yun kung gusto kong maging gising magdamag. Kung baga, "No Choice" na ko eh. Kaya yun... Okay naman ang kinalabasan. Tamo! ang dami kong na-post na entry nun dito. At bukod sa lahat may na-accomplish akong requirement ko. Galing di ba? XD

Dahil sa kape kaya kahit umaga na gising na gising pa ko. Pero mejo tinalaban na din ako ng antok nung comparative gov't na namin. Hay.. dun na nag-start na mejo inaantok na ko, wala na sa mood at hindi na gumagana ng maayos ang brain ko. Ni yung tenga ko nga parang nabibingi na eh. Wala na kasi akong naa-absorb sa mga tinuturo nya. As in parang kung baga sa computer, naka-stand-by mode na ako nun. Ang kinakainisan ko lang eh na-disappoint ko si sir. Tinawag nya kasi ako para mag-recite after nyang tawagin yung isa kong classmate na hindi nakasagot tapos nung turn ko na eh ganun din ang nangyari. Yan tuloy nakapag-comment sya ng kung ano man nung time na yun. May nasabi pa nga sya na parang hindi nya daw kelangan ng mga estudyanteng pumapasok nga pero hindi naman nagr-recite. Para kasing hindi nya ata ma-gets ang essence ng mga estudyanteng pumapasok para lang umupo sa klase. OUCH! ONE SLAP ON MY FACE! I don't know kung ako lang ang tinutukoy nya o kaming lahat na hindi nga nagr-recite sa kanya. Pero his words striked me talaga. Nasaktan ako dun. Eh crush ko nga sya di ba? So laking impact talaga nun s'kin na sabihan ka ng taong gusto mo ng mga ganung bagay. Alam ko naman kasalanan ko din na hindi ako nakapag-recite. Pano kasi una sa lahat hindi ko na nabasa yung readings nya about sa dini-discuss nya nung time na yun. Second, naka-stand-by mode na nga ang brain ko di ba? Hindi na nagf-function ng matino. Tsaka wala na din ako sa mood makinig nung time na yun. Parang ang gusto ko nalang gawin eh matulog. Tapos nung araw na yun eh mejo pinapakita nya ang pagiging strict nya s'min. Like yung sa mga requirements nya... hindi na nya kami pinapakinggan pagnakikipag-bargain kami sa kanya na, "Sir! ganto-ganyan nalang kasi mahirap dahil marami pa kaming ginagawa." Hindi na nya kami pinapakinggan di tulad nung una. Tapos ang dami-dami na nga naming ginagawa eh gusto pa nya magmake-up class pa kami sa hapon. Hay nainis kaya ako nun. Pero naging makasarili ako, kasi hindi ko na inintindi na kung inis na ko nung time na yun eh mas lalo naman sya. Lalo pa't hindi na kami nagp-participate sa discussion, tapos yung mga mukha pa namin eh hindi na maipinta. Sabi nya kahit man lang daw ngiti sa mga mukha namin eh enough na na bayad sa kanya dahil daw nakakataba yung ng puso nya. Tapos parang hindi pa namin maibigay nung araw na yun. Hay, alam nyo feeling ko nga eh ako yung sinasabihan ni sir nung mga words na yun to challenge me. Napagisip-isip ko lang yun nung mag-break muna kami, tapos ako kumain muna ng lunch sa canteen. I feel kasi na he's expecting more from me since he's thinking na I'm something naman--- hindi lang ako nagsasalita. Kaya I think nung tinawag nya ako eh ini-expect nya na makakasagot naman ako kahit papaano. But I guess nakikita na din nya ang mood ko nun. Di rin kaya dahil tingin nya wala na ako sa mood makinig kaya nya ako tinawag? Hmm incoherent na ba sinasabi ko ha? -.-;

Nung nag-resume na ulit yung class namin sa kanya eh nag-quiz na kami. Late syang dumating as what he told us before pa. Nung pumasok na ako sa make-up subject namin na yun eh okay na ako. Hindi na ako feeling hurt sa nangyari nung una. Kaso alam nyo, bigla akong nalungkot pagpasok nya ng room. Ang blank kasi nung mukha nya eh. And I know something's going on, even though he was trying to look okay infront of us.

While we're doing the quiz, nagr-round sya s'min to check if our critical thinking quiz is okay. Ewan ko lang ah.. pero nagf-feeling feelingan na naman ako nung lumalapit banda s'min si sir na parang hesitant pa talaga lumapit. Feeling ko kasi nung time na yun eh he wants to come to me to check my answers or just simply see my paper but instead sa katabi ko sya lumapit tapos tinouch nya yung shoulders nung classmate ko na yun and then said, "Ito! magaling toh eh." tapos ang cute cute pa ng expression nya. I was thinking na that was actually 'me' he's talking about. Kaso hindi nya lang ako malambing ng ganun since aloof ako sa kanya. Naisip ko yun kasi feeling ko nung umpisa palang, like nung midterm exam namin, tuwing ngr-round sya eh parang hesitant na talaga sya pumunta banda s'min and he looks like he's about to come to me pero hindi nya magawa-gawa. Tapos he thinks pa na may sense yung mga sinasagot ko sa critical thinking na di tulad ng majority kaya naisip ko tuloy na parang ginamit nya lang yung katabi ko pero ako ang ibig nya dung sabihin. Kasi din naman yung sinabihan nya hindi naman sa pagmamayabang eh hindi naman talaga magaling eh. Kaya yun tuloy naisip ko. Hay.. ang feeling ko noh?

After nung quiz, he talked to us. Telling us na the Dean of our college talked to him again. Kasi nga may mga reklamo sa kanya remember? Sabi nya s'min, mukhang yung Dean lang naman daw ng college namin ang gusto sya mag-stay eh, kaya it got himself thinking not to continue teaching na daw sa Lyceum. Tutal din naman daw maraming offer na scholarship sa kanya abroad and one of his supervisor e-mailed him na sumama daw sya abroad din with him probably later this year or next year daw. Mejo nag-open up sya s'min. Yun pala ang source ng blank face and quietness nya.

Sa totoo lang, nasaktan ako dun. Hay pano kasi hindi ko na sya makikita ulit. Parang gusto ko na ngang umiyak nun eh. Well, hindi lang naman sa kadahilanan na hindi ko na makikita ang crush ko, kundi dahil na din sa kakayahan nya to teach. Ang galing nya kaya magturo. Sayang naman na mawala ang mga professor na tulad nya di ba? Sobrang sayang talaga. Ewan ko ba dun sa college namin! nakakainis! puro kasi mga intrigero't intrigera ang mga tao dun eh. Mga walang kwentang tao sila! F*ck them all! Lalo na yung mga babae dun sa college namin. Grrr sila!!! I realize tuloy na sometimes it's bad to be yourself, because no matter what people will judge you anyway--- specially when you are not alike with them. And that you have to be someone else that you are not to be able to be liked by them. Ang sama ng mga taong ganun noh? That's what I learned from his experience in our school. Kawawa naman sya. T^T

Anyway, life goes on. After ng quiz at sharing ni sir eh nag-continue ng discussion ulit kami. Kahit sad at disappointed sya eh in-control pa din sya. Nagagawa pa rin nyang magpatawa at mai-deliver ng maayos ang topic namin sa kanya. Kakabilib talaga sya!<3
posted by rian at 5/26/2007 09:21:00 PM 0 comments

Coffee break (2)

Kanina naman sa sobrang antok ko eh pumunta ako ng SM Mla to buy coffee. I 'm looking for a nearby Starbucks kasi eh. And yung SM lang ang nearby na alam kong meron nun. Kaso wala palang ganun dun. Ginagawa palang. Buti nalang may Seattle's Best naman kaya dun nalang ako bumili ng coffee. Hay laking tulong talaga ng kape s'kin! Nagising na talaga ako. The moment kasi na nasa school na ako tapos naghihintay ng time for my next subject eh sobrang antok na antok na ko. As in sobra... to the point na hindi ko na talaga kaya na tipong baka matumba nalang ako bigla o makatulog kung saan. Kaya habang tambay palang me sa school eh i decided to go nalang sa SM para maubos ang oras ko ng hindi nakatunganga kung saan man.

Binalik na ni sir yung quizzes namin kanina. Di daw nya grinade-an kasi hindi sya satisfied sa mga sagot namin. Pero you know what? Ang sarap ng feeling na na-speacial mention na naman ako ni sir! sabi nya kasi, "Yan si Rica Ann..magaling sa written eh." Siguro napabilib ko na naman sya sa mga sagot ko sa quiz naming yun. Hay reciting power nalang ata talaga ang lacking s'kin eh. Tsk! kainis!...

Oh! one more thing!...napansin nya ngiti ko! hehehe... wala lang. =D

Well bukod sa coffee na nagr-re-energize s'kin at sa mga compliments ni sir... Hay hindi na talaga ako patutulugin nito. Kaya naman ngaun, buhay na buhay pa ako. Musta naman yun noh? O.O Tsk! Parang ayoko na mag-Monday!..coz that will be the last time I will see his face. T^T.. I'll soon bleed bcoz it hurts.
posted by rian at 5/26/2007 09:10:00 PM 0 comments

Friday

Teukie! Teukie!..Eeteukie!


How i miss your smile...
your presence...
"Everything about you."
I'm happy to see around..
& I'm glad you're coming back...
MY OWN ANGEL and MY OWN PETER PAN.
posted by rian at 5/25/2007 04:01:00 AM 0 comments

Busy... about to give up.

(T.T) Huhuhu... napapagod na ko. Ang daming requirements sa school. Pero, wala pa nga me nagagawa nagrereklamo na ko. Actually, meron naman na pero not enough para masabi na madami na nga akong nagawa o natapos. Hay lately halos magdamag na akong nakakatulog kaya imbes na asikasuhin kong tapusin yung mga paperworks ko eh hindi ko na nagagawa. May times naman na nagigising ako ng madaling araw pero... hay kulang pa rin para ma-accomplish ko lahat ng mga dapat gawin. Pano na?! Deadline pa naman na ng research papers ko sa comparative government tomorrow. Mamaya nga may quiz pa kami dun eh. And then, yung Term paper din namin due naman na sa monday. Nakupo!

Kanina nga nag-kape na ako eh. Lamayan na toh! Hindi na talaga ako matutulog now. At need ko maging gising na gising hanggang mamaya. I'm thinking nga na wag nalang pumasok mamayang 8:30 am, sa first subject ko eh, para lang mabigyan ng time ang mga paperworks ko. Tama baka yun na nga ang gagawin ko. Tutal wala naman na kaming subject dun eh. Attendance nalang ginagawa namin, then we can go na. Pinapaalis na kami para ayusin na yung Term papers namin kaya pinapapunta nalang kami kung saan--- specifically sa library.

Hay~ ang hell week talaga ng week na toh! Para ngang gusto ko ng sumuko. Kakapagod eh. Tsaka kaka-miss ang forum namin! Wala na nga akong nagagawa dun eh. Kani-kanina lang nakadalaw naman ako. Mejo madami pa din namang tao kaso minutes after I came there eh they're about to leave naman na kaya hindi ko rin sila masyadong naka-kwentuhan. Tsaka ni hindi ko nga nasilip ko ano nang bago sa suju eh. As in nagpunta lang ako dun para i-check ang forum at ang mga members. Ayoko din kasi ma-tempt na mag-stay dun ng matagal one's nakita ko na ang mga lalakeng yon. Grabe! weakness ko talaga sila eh. Kaya ang hirap na hindi ko sila makita kahit saglit.

Baka mga sunday nalang ulit me makapag-OL dun. Hay... ang hirap nun. Pero dapat ang studies ko ang aking priority. TAMA! yun nga ang dapat.

Ok. Sige na po. Aalis na ko para gawin na yung mga paperworks ko.

Later! ^^

Things to do:

(1) T. Paper- Deadline on Monday.

* Research on the ff:
+ Major terrorist acts.
+ Definition of terrorism.
+ Events connected to terrorism
+ Strategies & Impacts of terrorism to the society, international level and the state.
+ Chronological order of terrorism.

Countries to search on: (MIDDLE EAST)
> Yemen, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Iraqi Kudistan (?), Gaza Strip, Palestine & Afghanistan.


...BUT T. PAPER NOT YET FINISH.

(2) Research on Comparative Gov't of Asia-Pacific, Middle East & Africa- Deadline tomorrow (Saturday).

* Research on the ff:
+ Introduction
+ Pol. system
+ Representation & Partcipation
+ Policies & Policy making

Countries to search on:
> Japan, China, India, Malaysia, Egypt, USA (optional), Thailand, Vietnam, Israel, Iran & Nigeria.

-------------------------

On track:




"Home"

Chris Daughtry

I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

credits: imeem + azlyrics

posted by rian at 5/25/2007 01:19:00 AM 0 comments

Me and my dongsaeng~

Hello!

I would like to introduce my younger brother to the world!...
His name is Ricardo. He can also be called "Pakat" by his common friends. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong koneksyon nun sa real name nya eh. weird.

Opo, sya yung madalas kong tinutukoy na kinakainisan ko minsan dahil sa mga ganto-ganyang mga bagay bagay.hehehe. ^^v
In good terms kami nyan ngaun kaya close close-an kami ulit. =D

Ano...kamukha ko ba? I think hindi. Di ba?
I'm more maputi than he is. As for the looks..I'm not sure. Don't ask nalang. ke?

We took the pics last tuesday (ata?) using his new cellphone. Nasira na kasi yung previous cellphone nya eh. Tapos yan. His girlfriend gave that to him. Then we tried taking pictures together. Now lang nya trinansfer yung mga pics namin sa laptop ko kaya now ko lang na-post dito.


Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


posted by rian at 5/25/2007 12:39:00 AM 0 comments

Tuesday

Hey! Look what I've got!

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Gawa yan s'kin ni Ances. Bait nya noh? Kakatuwa nga eh. Ang cute cute. Aba! maiya-iyak pa ko nung makita ko yan at mabasa PM nya s'kin ah. I always wanted to have blinkies kasi. Tsaka rarely lang ako maka-receive ng blinkie kaya siguro sobra akong nasiyahan. Para nga akong bata eh. Hay ang saya-saya kasi may uniformity kami. Tsaka parang mas tight ang bond naming tatlong nagmamahal kay wook sa forum kesa sa iba. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam. ^^

Thanks Ances ah. ^^

Tsaka thanks for understanding my unfaithfulness to wook and reminding me to be good to him na. hehehe ~_^v
posted by rian at 5/22/2007 08:00:00 PM 0 comments

Sunday

Realization

Before I go to sleep...

I realized awhile ago something...

Na I want things to go my way pala lalo na kung malaki ang hirap ko sa isang bagay. Tipong ayokong may nafe-feel akong may nagb-boss around. Lalo na s'kin. In connection to that, I realized din na one's things don't go my way, I usually became lazy na to work. Yung tipong hay bahala na, snio na nga yan! kayo na magpatuloy. Tipong ganun. Ewan ko ba. Pero bilang nakakataas sa kanila, I don't want my emotions to eat me. Just because I feel this way dapat na ako mag-retaliate sa nangyari. I have to still be composed. Besides baka naman nami-misunderstood ko lang sya. Tama, ganun na nga yun siguro.

Ito pa. Lately kasi wala akong ganang kumain. Ewan ko ba. I think nag-start toh nung na-inlove na ata ako sa Prof ko eh. Sabi nga din yun nung friend ko. Nung umpisa nga hindi ako maniwala eh. Kasi parang hindi ko makita ang koneksyon nun sa pagkawalang gana kong kumain. Basta parang ayoko talaga kumain. Yehey! papayat na ko! XD

Tsaka I feel like flirting today with my unnies sa forum namin.hehe. More on making lambing them lang naman. That's why I'm sort of teasing them. Ewan ko ba. I rarely do that to anyone talaga. Promise.

-----------------

Hay hindii pa ako nagbabasa ng mga readings ko! At hindi pa ako nagr-research ng mga dapat kong i-research sa term paper namin! PATAY!

Sige. Sleep muna ako. Mamayang madaling araw ako gising para gawin yun lahat.


Ok. B-bye na! ^_________^

Good-night.

----------------

Hay maging maganda kaya ang araw ko bukas? *sigh*
posted by rian at 5/20/2007 10:00:00 PM 0 comments

Saturday

My men

I am working awhile ago on my PS doing icons for my 'Caught Up' category.

I'm not yet through with it. I still need to work on some more because there are 4 more boys left.

I have to complete it no matter what. But for now, I'll just stop here.

My men's list:
(1) Super Junior
(2) DBSG
(3) Kim Ryeowook
(4) Cho kyuhyun
(5) Eeteuk
(6) Kangin
(7) Kim Jaejoong

Here's my icons:



posted by rian at 5/19/2007 10:27:00 PM 0 comments

RECITE OR YOU'LL PERISH!!!

Aray! naku naman! tinablan ako sa sinulat ni sir sa board na reminder, "RECITE OR YOU'LL PERISH!!!" at sa parinig nyang mag-recite na daw kaming may mga utang na 40 points sa kanya sa recitation. Ako yun! parang gusto kong tumilapon sa dingding ng classroom namin kanina! Kasi kahit kanina sa discussion eh hindi na naman ako nagsalita. Hay! how I really hate reciting! I don't know why. I would rather take several exams or written assignments and researches but not to recite. But gosh! I said pa naman to my playmate na magre-recite na ko. aww! Hoenstly, I'm trying naman na eh. Hindi lang ako nakachempo kanina. Sayang. Pero dapat ko na siguraduhin na magre-recite na ko sa Monday kasi sayang naman ang grade ko. Baka babaan pa nya. At may utang pa kong 40 points sa kanya. Kelangan ko yung bayaran. Nakakahiya naman kasi sa kanya eh.
posted by rian at 5/19/2007 08:37:00 PM 4 comments

Friday

I wanna love you now

Kawawa naman si Sir. Pesteng mga classmates ko yan na nagreklamo sa Dean ng college namin! Reklamo nila--- wala daw connect yung mga tinuturo ni Sir s'min! Grrr!!!! Galit na galit ako sa kanila! Bakit nila yun nagawa sa kanya?! Yan tuloy under investigation sya ng college namin. T^T

Ok. Comparative Government of Asia... ang subject namin pero nagc-critical thinking kami. Obviously when you hear the word critical thinking ang maiisip agad eh philisophy. So bakit may ganun kami imbes na nagc-compare lang kami ng mga countries? Natanong ko rin yan noon. Pero na-defend naman ni Sir ang side nya about it. Sabi nya Comparative Government naman daw kami kaso Comparative Politics lang ang approach. Oo nga naman. Sabi pa nya kaya yun daw ang approach nya kasi pag-government lang daw ang pinagusapan eh boring--- walang buhay. Na hindi daw tulad ng Politics na on-going. Palaging nagbabago at issue ng bawat bansa sa buong mundo. Tama nga naman sya. Eh alam nyo naman iba-iba lang ang mga ginagamit ng iba't ibang bansang government pero hindi naman yun palaging nagbabago. Hindi tulad ng politics. Mabuti nga yun eh kasi lalo na sa course namin mahalaga na malaman namin ang mga current issues and events ng buong mundo lalo na may connect sa politics. Kasi din naman yun din ang essence ng course namin noh. Tsaka about naman dun s critical thinking method nya. Defense ni Sir na ang critical thinking na daw ang modern methodology ngaun sa lahat ng aspeto. Na tipong kahit sa UP at sa ibang bansang schools eh yun na ang tinuturo. Kaya nya shini--share yun s'min. He added pa nga na hindi daw talaga sya nagtuturo ng critical thinking sa iba kundi s'min lang. Tamo! ambait nya di ba? So why pre-judged him? Sana man lang nagtanong sila kung bakit ganun ang ginagawa nya imbes na dumiretso sila agad sa Dean!

I feel sorry for him on behalf on my classmates who did that to him. Nakakahiya ang ginawa nilang yun para sa isang dedicated na prof na katulad nya. Na wala ng ibang motivation sa pagtuturo kundi ang turuan lang kami at i-share ang kanyang mga nalalaman. Kawawa naman sya. Na-hurt sya nun nung kinausap sya ni Dean harap harapan dahil sa issue na yun. Feeling nya he was insulted eh. Na foul daw yung nangyari. Parang hinusgahan na daw kasi sya agad bago pa sya makapagsalita.

Yan tuloy kahit ayaw nya sana sabihin eh nasabi na rin nya na kaya daw sya nasa Lyceum eh dahil sa passion nya to teach. Na ano pa daw ba ang purpose nya sa school namin kung gaganunin lang naman daw sya eh kung tutuusin eh luging-lugi naman daw sya sa kinikita nya. Dapat daw kasi iniharap nila sa kanya yung mga nagreklamo para maayos nyang maidefend ang sarili nya. Yun daw ang way ng isang professional. Kaso hindi ganun ang nangyari eh. Kaya si Sir bothered na bothered sa nangyari.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ako close sa kanya tulad ng iba kong mga classmates. Ni hindi ako nakikipag-interact sa kanya sa discussion... pero kahit ganun eh nakita ko ang dedication nya sa pagtuturo. Alam nyo nakaka-touch nga syang prof eh. Biruin nyo sya pa ang nagx-xerox ng mga readings namin. Musta naman ang dami-dami namin sa klase tapos kami magbabayad nalang. Kaya nga may days na papasok nalang sya sa class nya s'min na may dala-dalang box. Andun kasi ang mga readings namin na pina-xerox na nya. Tamo! bihira ang ganung Prof! Usually kasi ang estudyante na dapat ang bahalang dumiskarte nun. Tapos lahat nalang ng favors na sinasabi namin eh pinapagbigyan naman nya to the point na pati mid-term grade namin eh minanipulate na nya. Madami kasi dapat na bagsak s'min eh. Pero ginawan na nya ng paraan.

Madami nga syang na-sacrifices sa Lyceum eh. Sa lahat ng mga masasacrifice nya yun pa yung mahahalaga sa kanya. Tulad nalang nito; Una, suppose to be nga mag-aaral sana sya sa abroad. Pero hindi na natuloy dahil nalimutan na daw nya na deadline na pala ng submission ng mga requirements na dapat ipasa. Na-busy kasi sya sa school namin. Pangalawa, nasa honorable list daw sya sa UP Diliman pero dahil nga ulit sa school eh hindi na daw nya naaasikaso magpasa ng mga ganto-ganyan. Palagi daw syang incomplete sa mga requirements na dati naman hindi nya nagagawa. Kaya yun hindi na sya kasali sa mga honor students. Tapos kinakaya nya pang tiisin ang nanay nya na wag syang puntahan kahit feeling nya na dapat dahil malungkot sya ngaun. Lastly, yung time nya para sa sarili nya nakakalimutan nya na din. Tamo! grabe sa mga sacrifices di ba? Lahat dahil sa dedication nya para sa school. Tapos ganun pa mangyayari. =C

Lungkot na lungkot nga ako habang naglilitanya si Sir kanina eh. Feeling ko masakit sa loob nya na sinacrifice na nga nya ang mga bagay na magpapasaya sa kanya and yet hindi man ang na-appreciate ng iba. Alam nyo ba na while listening to all of his sentiments eh I'm also daydreaming at the same time? Sa isip ko kasi at that point in time I want to be her girlfriend. Na dahil malungkot sya I would give him love; protect him and reassure him that nobody's going to hurt him again. I want him to feel warm inside. Kasi he really was so down. I imagined that I was her girfriend because, only in that way, I could do what I feel like doing to him at that very moment of his solitude and disappointments.

Hay hindi na ako mapalagay. Feeling ko tuloy hindi ko lang sya bastang crush lang. Mahal ko na kaya sya? Ano ba! naguguluhan na ako. T^T Basta kanina sobrang gusto ko nang gawin sa kanya lahat ng mga nasasaisip ko. I want to protect him. I somehow feel that he's lonely inside prior to what happened na dumagdag pa sa loneliness nya. Kaya gusto ko syang i-pamper kahit hindi ko alam kung paano. I'm really worried about him. Hanggang ngaun eh nasa utak ko pa rin sya. Gusto ko nga syang i-text para palakasin lang ang loob nya pero parang nauunahan naman ako ng hiya.

--------------

On the lighter side, from 2.50 sa comp gov't eh naging 1.75 na ako. ^_^
posted by rian at 5/18/2007 07:30:00 PM 0 comments

The Gift



Hey! I made that for my most fave Super Junior member, Kim Ryeowookie. ^^ B-day na nya kasi eh. Well next month pa naman talaga b-day nya pero kasi sumali ako dun sa Suju Project whererein gagawa ka ng graphics, icons at kung anu ano pa sa certain suju na magb-bday. Like ako sumali ako sa Ryeowook B-day Project. Whew! deadline na yun kanina lang. Buti nakahabol pa. Sobrang kabang-kaba talaga ako habang ginagawa ko yan. Takot kasi ako na baka ma-waste lang ang effort ko dahil baka closed na yung project na yan tsaka ang dali dali lang ng gagawin tapos hindi ko man lang mabigyan ng gift ang suju member love ko. Kaya pinilit ko talaga makahabol. Actually, wala naman talaga ako planong sumali eh. Nagkaroon lang ako ng drive sumali dahil na-open ni Jenn yung topic tungkol sa pinadala nyang postcard for Teuk naman. May b-day project din kasi sya. Tapos un, hanggang sa napunta sa b-day project ni wookie. Tapos I think ni-link s'kin ni Ances ung Suju Project site, tapos pinuntahan ko. Nagulat ako na ganun lang pala ang gagawing icon eh. Sus! kala ko to the highest level yun! Yung tipong mga bigating graphics and designs ang makikita ko. Kaya hindi nalang ako sumali. Kala ko kasi maraming requirements tsaka nahihiya ako if ever ipakita gawa ko kasi baka pangit. Gaya nga ng sabi ko, akala ko kasi bigatin yung mga graphics and designs na mga gawa nila--- kaya ganun.

Buti nalang andun si Ances para i-assist ako sa paggawa ng project na yun. Pinaalala pa nga nya s'kin na dapat galing daw sa puso ang paggawa. Ofcourse naman! si Wook na yun eh. Ibang usapan na yan. Habang nagmamadali, panic mode at nagf-freak-out mode na ako kanina--- nakatulong na ka-chat ko si Ances. Mejo nababawasan ang tension dahil nakakausap ko sya at nag-guide nya ako. Takot nga ako eh. Kala ko kasi hindi na ako makakaabot dahil nung time na yun nagh-hang na rin ang laptop ko. Buti nalang naka-survive pa. Nung natapos ko na gawin yung icon, syempre ip-post mo na sa Suju Project Forum yun. Sa sobrang kaba ko nalimutan ko sinabi s'kin ni Ances na pagip-post ko na dapat nakalagay din dun yung time ko sinend yun Manila time. Eh ang ginawa ko lang eh i-post yung icon ko tapos tapos na. Naalala ko lang sinabi nya nung n-post ko na talaga yung icon. I tried to get back to it pero hindi ko na ma-edit yung post ko eh. Hindi naman kasi ako registered dun. Buti nalang to the rescue si Ances at sya na mismo ang nag-type ng dapat ilagay dun sa pinost ko na icon. Thanks to you! ^___________^
posted by rian at 5/18/2007 02:04:00 AM 0 comments

Thursday

EB!

Wah! I can't believe I'm doing this. I'll be posting my EB pics sa net!!! Shax! hindi ako sanay...

Pero buti nalang may nahanap pa ako. Puro EB pics na kasama lang ako ang kinuha ko. Bias ba? Tsaka kasi matagal naman na toh nangyari kaya yung akin nalang ang kinuha ko.

July 2, 2006: Wook, Teuk, Chul & My B-day Celebration



Me, Mareng Sheng, Lora & Edline


Me & Playmate Jhocel


Me, Playmate Jho, Kristine & Reszh

Natatandaan ko pa ang EB na toh! Hmm ito ata yung sort of "nanlibre" ako ng food kasi bday ko pati ng tatlo pang members ng suju. Yun ba yun? Ngek! painosente pa daw? Hehe yup! sort of nanlibre nga ako. I think ang binili ko nun eh KFC bucket meal tapos hehe alam nyo ba ang cake? Kakahiya...chocopie lang eh. Hmm bakit nga ba chocopie lang? Hindi ko na maisip kung bakit hindi nalang cake talaga ang binili ko nun. Ah! para ba maiba naman? Ah yun nga siguro yun kasi nung mga nakaraang EB puro nalang cake ang kinakain namin. Sort of I was inspired by Hyuk's b-day cake nya last year sa isang radio program na guests sila-- but I think sa youngstreet yun. Chocopie din kasi ang cake ni Hyuk dun, kaya naisip ko na i-try din yun sa b-day blow-out ko. For experience lang. But I'm not sure kung nagustuhan nila. Jusko! naumay kaya ako sa chocopie noh! Alam ko sila din. Simula nga nun hindi na ako mahilig sa chocopie eh. Mga 2 or 3 boxes din yun para kunyari isang box nire-represent nya yung isang celebrant. Tapos sa isang paper plate pinagpatung-patong namin yung chocopie. Hay salamat nalang kay ate Edcel kasi tinulungan nya ko iayos yun. Pati na din kay Edline na napakaasikaso. Pa-pyramid yung style ng pagkakapatung-patong ng mga chocopie. May candle din yun eh..sa pagkakatanda ko. Kulit nga eh, nasa tuktok yun ng pinaka-peak ng chocopie. Dapat nga ang plano kong candle eh yung nakasulat name nina Wook, Teuk at Chul kaso walang pedeng mapagpagawaan eh. Kaya yun yung ordinary b-day candle nalang ang ginamit. Ah! sa date ko din na toh nakita yung Jap Photobook ng DBSG courtesy of Kristine. Ampopogi nga nila eh. Hmm para s'kin sa mga na-release nila na photobook nung time na yun...yun na siguro ang pinakamaganda. Uber sa ka-gwapuhan si Jeje! Tapos si Junsu. Yun pa naman yung look ni Junsu na nanghihina ang tuhod ko sa kanya. Fave ko namang pics ni Micky dun yung naka-stripes sya. Basta ang wafu nya s'kin tingnan dun. Hmm as for Yunho at Changmin...wala akong comment. Ok lang naman sila. Naku po! kung sino pa ang pinaka-fave ko at ng playmate ko yun pa ang wala akong nai-comment noh? Ang bad kong talaga. =D

Jan ko din naging ka-close si Mareng Sheng! ^^ At simula nun naging mag-textmate na kami at mag-kumare at magkaibigan.

Ah! si Dan jan ko naman ata unang nakilala. Ambait nga nya kasi ginawaan nya kami ng letterings ng mga name ng suju. Salamat sa Ryeowook letterings ah. Hanggang ngaun nasa akin pa.

Playmate! yung suju pic na bigay mo din nasa akin pa. Salamat sayo. ^^

Pero sa totoo lang, ang pinakanagustuhan kong gift na natanggap ko nung araw na yun eh yung letter na binigay s'kin ni Edline. Self-confession, more than anything else 2nd best gift s'kin ang letter. Una ang attendance ng mga taong gusto kong makasama sa importanteng araw ng buhay ko. Pero since gift na 'natanggap' ang pinapagusapan dito kaya yung letter na ang the best for me. Kasi I love receiving letters. I love reading letters. And I'm really keeping them like gems. Ang nakakatuwa pa dun sa letter na binigay nya s'kin eh hindi lang sya simpleng nag-greet lang s'kin tapos tapos na. May mga sinulat pa syang iba. Nag-effort talaga sya. Hehe nakakatuwa talaga un. Feeling ko nga tumaba ang puso ko eh.hihi. Minsan paulit-ulit ko binabasa mga letters na natatanggap ko. Lalo na when I'm sad. It feels like it's lifting my spirit eh. Nakakatulong na maging masaya ako ulit. Kaya Edz thanks sa gift ah. Sobrang thank you talaga. T_____________T


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Sept. 3, 2006: Ekah's B-day Celebration


Playmate Jho & Me


Playmate Jho & Me (again)

Weeee!!!! Masasabi ko sa date na toh? A taste of soju! wahahaha! Hmm sino na nga ba bumili ng soju nun? Ah! si mareng sheng ata. Kasama nya ulit dito si Lora hmm pamangkin nya (?) Yun! I forgot nga lang kung debut shot ko yun or not pero uminom kami ng soju sa real glass yung gaya sa mga korean novelas na napapanood natin. Bakit ganun hindi ko na-feel na hindi pala masarap ang soju dun pero nung bumili ako nun at ininom namin dito sa bahay eh sumuko ako sa lasa? Siguro may factor kasi na masyado akong masaya at hyper nung time na yun kaya hindi ko yun napansin. Naaalala ko pa na madaming Heechul pics na na-receive si ekah nun. Swerte! Hay nag-enjoy kaya sya nun? Natanong ko yun dati kasi parang feeling ko ang lungkot at ang tahimik nya eh. Siya ang nagbayad ng ni-noreabang namin! ^^ thanks ekah. Nag- enjoy ako. ^___________^*


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My First at Platinum


Me, Playmate Jho, Shane & Dianne

Peace na tayo pero nalimutan ko na talaga ang okasyon kung bakit may EB tayo nito. Pero first time ko makapunta sa Platinum ah. Pano madalas kasi kami sa Mama Don't Tell eh. Tama ba yung sinabi ko? hehe. Hay ang weird talaga ng name ng noreabang na yun. Parang kala mo may something fishy sa loob ng venue eh. Wait! I'll scartch my head muna. =D Ah! masaya ang EB na toh! Ang alam ko kasi from Platinum eh naglakad kami papuntang Korean store na bilihan ng mga korean CDs, DVDs, posters, books etc. nila tapos umabot din kami sa paglalakad hanggang sa Mama Don't Tell na noreabang. Whew! Kakapagod.

Ito din pala yung mga days na naaappreciate ko na ang BigBang. Naaalala ko pa yung sinabi ni Shane na ang pinaka ayaw daw nya sa BigBang eh si sueng-ri. Pang last daw nya yun. Eh ako naman mega lift si seung-ri pataas nung napagusapan ang BigBang kasi maka-seung-ri na ako nun. Kaya tandang tanda ko comment na yun ni Shane eh.hehe. Pero hindi ako dun na-offend ah. Naalala ko lang. ^_^

Hmm ito na ata ang last official EB na pinuntahan ko. Simula nun, hindi na ako nakakasama mag-EB ulit. Pero hindi ko sure kung ito na nga yung last na in-attendan ko ah. Kasi may EB din akong sinamahan na dun ko naman unang na-meet si Donna. Ewan ko lang kung sino ang latest sa dalawa. Basta sa dalawang yun eh yun na ang naging last EB na pinuntahan ko.

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Ah nga pala! Thanks kay Playmate Jho at Dianne sa mga pics. Galing sa kanila yan lahat. hehehe.
posted by rian at 5/17/2007 07:52:00 PM 0 comments

Hay sayang yun!

Shax nagulat naman ako kanila jenn at ate edcel na napansin ung entry ko about my grade. Wala lang....

Hay happy na sana ako kaso..may kaso talaga. Kasi sa comp. gov't namin kanina pinakita na ung midterm grade namin. Jusko! laking panghinayang ko nung nakita ko ang line-up ng mga grades ko sa papel! Pano ba naman kasi 2.50 lang ang midterm grade ko. Alam nyo ba kung bakit? Bagsak kasi ung recitation grade ko. Actually zero (0) dapat ang recitation ko pero ginawa nalang daw nyang 10. Kasalanan ko din naman, hindi kasi ako nagr-recite eh. Hay ang nakakapanghinayang dun exam, assigns, exercises, essays etc. lahat yun 100 ako...pero pagdating dun sa recitation ganun na nga nangyari. =C Ouch! ang laki ng impact ng recitation! Kainis!..40% ba naman eh. Pero ako binalewala ko lang. Eh hindi naman talaga ako nagr-recite ever eh. Kainis!

Nung tinawag ako ni Sir para tingnan ko na yung midterm grade ko, ang pang-welcome ba naman s'kin eh eto, "Alam mo [[magaling ka]] sana eh. Kaso kasi hindi ka nagr-recite. Hindi ka nagsasalita...sayang." tapos pinakita na nya s'kin grade ko. Sa recitation daw ako sumablay. Hay masaya na sana kaso tsk! may kulang. T^T Kahit sino naman siguro manghihinayang sa ganun di ba? Pero yung line na binold ko ang may tama s'kin. Whoa! watta compliment! Compliment na yun for me kasi galing yun sa isang iskolar ng UP Diliman, Harvard at isa pang prestigious school sa s'pore. Tapos baka future Oxford scholar din soon. Wow! Ang sarap namang pakinggan yun mula sa kanya. Parang feeling ko ang talino ko!...Hay basta ang sarap talaga sa pakiramdam.

Yan tuloy! I've decided na magrrecite na ako! Advise nya din yun s'kin kasi sayang naman daw ang grade ko eh. Omg! Challege yun s'kin noh.

Pero now I realize na marunong naman pala ako magisip. I mean kala ko kasi dati mababaw lang talaga ako magisip. Yung parang hindi matalino mag-isip. Ngayon sa hirap ng critical thinking exam at assignments namin na napasa ko with flying colors na-realize ko na marunong naman pala ako magisip. Bigla ko tuloy naalala yung sabi nung friend ko twing mejo naiiyak na ko sa mga subjects ko kasi nahihirapan na ko o sinasabi kong matalino sya. Sabi nya s'kin, "Matalino ka naman. Tamad ka lang mag-isip". Hmm siguro nga. Pano nasanay na din ako na may nagiisip for me na ako naman nag-aagree o disagree lang tapos reason. =p Ang parasite ko di ba? Aray naman!

Yung sa Research subject ko 2.75 naman ako dun. 80 lang kasi nakuha kong grade eh. Kainis yung midterm ko naman dun! 77% lang nakuha ko kahit na nasagot ko naman lahat ng tanong sa exam at yung mga sinagot ko eh galing naman sa mga ni-notes namin sa kanya. Ang mga tanong lang naman kasi sa exam nya eh what is ganito-ganyan. Kaya naman ang sinagot ko lang eh yung galing nalang sa notes ko na kinabisa ko. Ewan ko, hindi ko na naisip na mag-explain explain pa dun kasi wala namang nakalagay na kailangan pa. Sayang! tama na sana ako kaso hindi ko lang na-elaborate un my on thought yung binigay kong meaning. Sabi nga nung friend ko mali daw yun. Dapat i-elaborate ko daw para malaman ni Sir kung ano ang naintindihan ko sa sinulat ko. Na dapat kahit saan yun daw ang ginagawa kong sagot. Kasi minsan hindi ako ganun eh. Tmad nga kasi ako magsulat. Tamad din ako sa mga mahahabang sagot. Kaya yun. Pero yung ibang grades ko naman kay Sir ok naman 80+ lahat. Yun lang ang sumablay. Pero gulat nga ako sa grade ko sa recitation eh kasi 84 ang grade ko dun. Eh gaya nga ng sabi ko, hindi naman ako nagrrecite. Siguro kasi my incentive pagpumapasok ka sa subject nya. Kaya siguro ako naka-84.

All in all, maganda ang performance ng mga grades ko ngaung summer. Masaya na ako dun! ^^ Dapat ko nalang i-maintain.
posted by rian at 5/17/2007 04:33:00 PM 0 comments

Wednesday

It's a miracle!

OMG! nagulat ako sa result ng exam ko sa comparative government namin! Pano ba naman, nakaka-hemorrhage ang critical thinking exam nya noh. Kabadong-kabado kaya ako nun. Tipong nung umpisa nung exam sa sobrang kaba eh wala akong maisagot. Hmm mga almost 1 hour din akong nagsayang ng oras wondering on my seat while the rest were answering furiously with their exam. Wala talaga akong maisip eh. Tipong ung mga naiisip ko sa utak ko eh naghahalo-halo na. Pano what if kasi kung mali ung mga pinagsususulat ko sa critical thinking eh di lagapak na ako nyan sa exam. Tsaka hindi sya katulad ng mga karaniwang exams or essays na basta sulat lang (sympre nag-iisp pa rin noh!). Dun kasi kelangan mo pang gumawa ng mga arguments--- premises and conclusions etc. Hay nawindang talaga ako. Si sir pa naman tipong hindi mo alam kung yung sagot mo eh tatanggapin nya. Isa pa, nung chineck nya ung group work ng critical thinking exercises namin eh puro kami mali. Kaya I never assumed na papasa pa ako dun--- but still hoping na may hope for me. Kelangan eh.

Kanina in-announce ni sir ang kondisyon ng exams namin sa kanya. Sabi nya ayon sa pagkakaintindi ko (absent-minded kasi!) wala daw pumasa sa exam nya sa klase except sa dalawang estudyanteng nakakuha ng 1.0. Tapos blah blah..may mga sinasabi pa syang hindi ko na naintindihan kasi since I'm assuming na isa na ako sa mga bumagsak eh kinakabahan na ako. Paano na? Tapos bigla nyang in-announce kung sino yung dalawang naka-flat 1 sa exam. Dandararaaannnn!!!! sabi nya si Bebs at si Rica daw. Shit! AKO YUN! O.O Pero di nga? no joke? Pero hindi un ang nasaisip ko nung mga time na un. Late reaction ako eh. Sabi ko nga absent-minded ako the whole time kanina. Nung sinabi na nya yung names ng mga naka-1 sa exam nya; ako naman iniinternalize ko pa kung tama nga ba ang narinig kong name na sinabi nya. Kasi my seatmates were starting to tease na rin eh at ako naman hanngang dun eh hindi pa rin makapaniwala. Tapos nagkatinginan kami ni sir tapos sinabi nya s'kin, "Ikaw si Rica Ann. Tama? Shef! buong name ko pa talaga ang sinabi ah. Ako naman napa-nod nalang. So yun inulit nya pa ulit na kami ngang dalawa ng classmate ko ang nakakuha ng uno. Tapos the rest-- bagsak na. Tipong insentives nalang sa subject nya ang pag-asa nila. Pero ui! may insentives grade pa din ako ah! sir! may insentives grade pa ako ah! ahihi. Dupang! =P... joke lang naman noh!


Sinagot lang ni sir kanina ung mga questions na binibigay namin sa index card. May isang tanong nga dun na nalimutan ko na kung ano yun na sinagot nya tapos bigla nyang hinirit ung mga naka-1 na parang gaya daw nung mga naka-100...genius...halimaw! Ako naman, "Huh? ano daw?" Hay yan tuloy! nagsimula na naman silang i-tease ako. Phew!


After class, nagbayad lang ako ng tuition ko. Tapos umuwi na rin kaagad. Init eh.
posted by rian at 5/16/2007 02:41:00 PM 0 comments

I'll just stare at him while he sleeps



Shef! I've been wanting to see him asleep for so long. I hate it when everytime I watch Chunji and he's not sleeping. I feel malas! coz I always miss the chance of watching him like that. Wala lang....parang ang sarap lang nya tingnang natutulog. Para kasing bata na kailangan mong protektahan habang wala syang malay na kabaliktaran naman kapag gising na sya. I could just stare at him till he wakes up talaga. If only...

Bigay s'kin ni ate queen ung mga caps na yan. Thanks to her. This is Chunji last (_____). Ate Queen texted me about this episode but I wasn't able to reply. Sabi nya Kangin is sleeping daw. Mga 2x din sya s'kin nag-text nun. Kaso un kasi ung day na magdamag naman akong tulog. Morning ko na nabasa text nya. I missed my chance!..Sayang.
posted by rian at 5/16/2007 12:26:00 AM 0 comments

Confession

I finally admitted to myself by telling my closest friend how I like my Prof. Shax! ayoko talaga ng nararamdaman ko noh! Kasalanan kasi toh ng pesteng kamay nya! Hay I'm a sucker na talaga sa mga guys na magaganda ang kamay. Kasi naman eh! kung bakit pa ako nakaupo sa halos harap na nya twing nagk-klase! yan tuloy! palagi kong napapansin ang kamay nya. Pero ewww! physically hindi sya wafu or cute basta basta! pero..hay! kasalanan talaga toh ng kamay nya! Tapos ng katalinuhan nya! at sense of humor!..aish! Sabi ko nga sa friend ko, not in a million light years na magkakagusto ako sa ganung itsura pero heto ako ngaun liking him. Hindi naman kasuklam suklam ang itsura nya hindi lang talaga sya ung guy na papasa sa physical standard ng mga girls (I think). At hindi din pasado s'kin. Kaso un nga, bukod sa kamay nya twing nagsasalita sya parang gusto ko nalang pakinggan sya magsalita. Ang talino nya kasi! though na-iintimidate pa rin ako sa kanya. Tapos grabe sa kalokohan pa! basta nakakatawa sya. Ano ba nangyayari s'kin ngaun?! Anyway, crush lang naman eh.
posted by rian at 5/16/2007 12:10:00 AM 0 comments

Tuesday

Yehey!

I'm finally comfortable now with runerrands' new skin. Besides that, I learned how to change the skin of my blog na. Sorry ah..hindi ko pa kasi alam noon. All thanks to jenn. She helped we kanina. Hmm isa nalang ang kulang ko. Yun ay kung pano magkaroon ng new banner na katulad ng texture ng banner ko now.

Thanks jenn! ^.^*
posted by rian at 5/15/2007 10:48:00 PM 0 comments

Success!

Ewan ko ba... basta pag-uwi ko kanina dito sa bahay bigla akong sumigla kahit na dapat pagod na pagod na ako. Siguro kasi finally natapos ko na din exam ko sa Comp. Gov't na naging "critical thinking". Tsaka tapos ko na din (sa wakas!) basahin ang lahat ng mga readings ko! ^^ Ngaun...yahoo!!!! hindi na hectic ang mga susunod na mga araw ko. Nung mga nakaraang weeks kasi..hay jusko!...parang gusto ko na talaga sumuko...

Usually pag dumadating ako ng bahay wasted na wasted na itsura ko. Tapos konting pahinga lang matutulog muna saglit o kung minsan pa nga magdamag na eh. Ngaun iba. Tamo! hanggang ngaun gising na gising pa din ako. Maghapon di akong hyper kakalaro ng aking pamangkin. Naku! matagal ko na din hindi nalalaro at nakaka-bonding ang baby na un ah. Na-miss ko sya.

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May nag-PM nga pala s'kin na member ng forum namin. Nagso-sorry sya sa walang kadahilanan.hehe =X *peace* Nasabi ko yun kasi...wala lang...wala naman syang dapat ihingi ng sorry talaga. She feels useless daw kasi sa forum pero I don't think so. SHE'S USEFUL IN SO MANY WAYS. I wonder why she can't see that? Ako nalang ang nagiisang Senior Admin ng forum kasi wala ung partner ko...kaya hay ok I'll say it na nga! Alam mo yung feeling na isa kang buong katawan na nawalan ng kamay o paa? I think I would be like that when she's gone. Ok, I'll assume na dahil sa sinabi nya na nahihiya na daw sya sa pumnta sa forum eh baka hindi na sya bumalik. When that happened, maybe I can move on din naman pero ofcourse its hard to learn to move on without her. You see, we hardly talk online, pero since naging part na sya ng staff ng forum namin...I'm to used to see her na na nasa forum and become the staff that she is. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, baka may gusto sya mangyari o gawin sa forum sabihin nya lang..para din naman may magawa sya. Ok lang naman un s'kin eh. I can be dictated you know! ^^ Hindi naman ako despot. Hay sana mag-stay pa din sya s'min. Ikaw ah! wag ka ngang ganyan! ayoko namang maging invisibly handicap noh! hehe.... ^_~

posted by rian at 5/15/2007 06:47:00 PM 0 comments

Monday

Bored...

Today, walang pasok. Election Day kasi. Guess what? Hindi ako bumoto! at wala akong balak bumoto. Ay ewan! parang wala naman kasing pagbabago eh. Tsaka hindi din naman kasi ako registered voter. Hindi ako kumuha..aish! kakatamad eh. Feeling ko masasayang lang ang pagod ko. Wala akong kwentang Filipino noh?hehe...

Maghapon lang akong OL. Ayun tambay lang sa forum namin. Ui! ilang weeks ko na bang hindi nagagawa un? busy kasi sa school. Kakalungkot nga eh, kasi kung kelan magdamag na akong andun saka naman walang tao. I mean hindi naman sa wala talaga...parang ang tahimik lang dun kasi eh. Tsaka wala ung mga gusto ko makasama. T^T Again, hindi din naman sa ayaw kong kasama ung mga nag-OL dun today, its just that hindi ko lang sila "pa" ka-close. Most of them were newbies pa eh. Ung mga sumali sa forum nung busy na ko sa school kaya hindi ko pa sila nakikilala masyado.

Ang daming pics ng Superjunior ang in-upload ko today. Grabe! sumakit kaya ang braso ko dun. Nakakalito pati sa dami. Kaya din maraming edit at ulit akong ginawa maayos lang un. Un nga ang pinagkaabalahan ko ngaun eh. Ah! gumawa din ako ng new banner ko!..wook banner syempre! ^__________^

Nag-blog hopping ako sa 2 closest net friends ko. Hay, I can't explain how I missed them so suddenly. Parang feeling ko ilang buwan na nakakalipas na hindi ko sila nakakausap. Pero atleast nothing has change between us.

Kanina nga palang umaga, tinawagan ako ng guy friend/former classmate ko! Well he often phones me naman. Ayun, napagusapan namin ung panliligaw nya sa friend/former classmate ko din. Ang tibay nya ah! mag-iisang taon na din pala nya ung nililigawan---at hindi pa din sya sinasagot. I don't want to tell him nga lang pero obvious naman na she'll eventually dump him naman eh. I don't know...obvious din naman kasi na hindi sya type nun. Pero what I found out pa...he said kanina na kung wala daw sana ung friend/former classmate ko na un eh ako daw sana ang niligawan nya. WHAT THE HELL! WAG NA NOH!...same fate din naman ang labas nya eh. So, my close friend at school was right na he likes me. I kept on denying kasi na hindi eh. Before we end our conversation, he gave me his landline number. Sabi nya when I'm free na tawag daw ako sa kanila. But I failed to do so. Hay sorry sa kanya ah..pero honestly, I feel uneasy whenever I picture myself calling to a guy's landline number/house. Naku! patay na naman ako sa kanya nito! Ni hindi ko sya tinitext or nirereplyan tapos tawagan man lang eh hindi din. Grabe talaga ako ka-pasaway noh? =`.^=

Tapos eto ding friend ng kuya ko-- nagtext. Tumawag daw sya this morning tapos ung kuya ko daw ang nakasagot. Andito kasi kuya ko s'min hanggang bukas ng umaga. Hindi naman ako maka-reply sa kanya kasi... hay as usual wala na naman akong load. May pang-load naman...tinatamad lang talaga lumabas. Ang lazy ko di ba?hehe. Tumawag ata sya kasi hindi ako na-reply sa mga sms nya. Nung hapon, txtmate sila ng kuya ko. Tapos bigla syang tumawag sa phone. Whoa! nakausap ko sya for the first time! pero sandali lang...pinilit lang kasi ako ng kuya ko. Hay kung hindi siguro ako bumababa kanina hindi siguro mangyayari un. Kasi naman tinawag ako ng mom ko eh---pakainin ko na daw ang mga doggies ko. Kaya un.

After ko matapos i-post ung mga pics na in-upload ko...umalis na din ako sa forum. Tapos andito na ko sa blog ko! yey!!!...I need to go na din kasi from there to give my time here. After kasi nito matutulog na ko...dahil mayang 12 am eh kelangan kong gumising para magbasa na naman ng mga readings. Kainis! hindi na matapos tapos un ah!

Ay nga pala!..How can I forget the sad news mom brought to me. Hindi na nya ako tutulungang mag-request sa Dep. Ed. about sa pagaadjust ng mga subjects ko para maka-grad ako together with my batchmates. Kesho ganto-ganyan daw. Nyemas! I hate it when they don't believe in me!..Mas lalo akong nagiging weak!...Damn! I really have to prove them wrong na talaga! I have to be strong na and not to be always dictated by them....I have to stand on my own feet na talaga or else forever na nila akong titingnan na mahina. So, unfortunately summerian na ko. June na ako next year g-graduate. Huhu..hindi ko makakasabay grumaduate majority of my batchmates. Kung bakit naman kasi nagpa-banjing banjing lang ako noon eh. Totoo nga ang kasabihan na nasa huli ang pagsisisi. ='C

Ok sige na. Alis na ko! ^_^



posted by rian at 5/14/2007 08:50:00 PM 0 comments